When I left Melbourne, I wanted to start over. I had this idea in my head that severing myself from everything else in my life and traveling across the sea would allow me to recreate who I was. I thought that I could leave all of my mistakes behind, and be someone new.
Then I got to Halifax, and too soon learned that I was still the same person, making the same mistakes, just in an entirely different city.
I’ve done a lot of growing up in the last year. Living out of a suitcase and starting with nothing but the bare basics can do that to you. Suddenly all of the issues you once thought were life or death become obsolete and petty. I shifted my focus, changed my perspective, and stripped myself from all of the expectations I used to have.
But I still have a lot of stuff to figure out. A lot of things that I have to come to terms with and a lot of things I need to let go of.
One thing about traveling on your own is that you’re suddenly catapulted into a world where you become your own top priority. There is no-one pulling strings or directing you where to go next. It’s entirely up to you. And it’s only yourself that you have to blame when things go awry, and it’s only yourself that you have to thank when things work out- you take on full responsibilty for who you are, wherever you are. It’s challenging, it’s terrifying and at times it’s incredibly lonely, but it’s also enthraling.

When I left Melbourne, I wanted to start over. I had this idea in my head that severing myself from everything else in my life and traveling across the sea would allow me to recreate who I was. I thought that I could leave all of my mistakes behind, and be someone new.

Then I got to Halifax, and too soon learned that I was still the same person, making the same mistakes, just in an entirely different city.

I’ve done a lot of growing up in the last year. Living out of a suitcase and starting with nothing but the bare basics can do that to you. Suddenly all of the issues you once thought were life or death become obsolete and petty. I shifted my focus, changed my perspective, and stripped myself from all of the expectations I used to have.

But I still have a lot of stuff to figure out. A lot of things that I have to come to terms with and a lot of things I need to let go of.

One thing about traveling on your own is that you’re suddenly catapulted into a world where you become your own top priority. There is no-one pulling strings or directing you where to go next. It’s entirely up to you. And it’s only yourself that you have to blame when things go awry, and it’s only yourself that you have to thank when things work out- you take on full responsibilty for who you are, wherever you are. It’s challenging, it’s terrifying and at times it’s incredibly lonely, but it’s also enthraling.

While I am not certain about where to call ‘home’ just quite yet, I know it will always be somewhere by the sea.

While I am not certain about where to call ‘home’ just quite yet, I know it will always be somewhere by the sea.

a few things I want to do without planning/organising/considering beforehand this year:
Buy a one-way train ticket.
Kiss a complete (handsome) stranger.
… and I can’t think of anything else just yet. (isn’t that the point?)
 

a few things I want to do without planning/organising/considering beforehand this year:

Buy a one-way train ticket.

Kiss a complete (handsome) stranger.

… and I can’t think of anything else just yet. (isn’t that the point?)


 

(via fuckyeahbookarts)

Especially on a cold winter morning. 

Especially on a cold winter morning. 

(Source: weheartit.com, via misswallflower)

thysz:

The Credo of Salvador Dáli by Molly Crabapple.

This is just. So. Cool

thysz:

The Credo of Salvador Dáli by Molly Crabapple.

This is just. So. Cool

(via thysz)

2012 final to do list: 

- finish the final planning for my novel.

- tie up lose ends, sort out any quarrels, heal old wounds, get closure, apologise blah blah- basically make peace with everyone I’ve fallen out with this year

- sign up for a sailing lesson

- email my dad

- buy a dress for christmas eve (note: make that a sexy dress)

- find a decent local wine. 

- kiss a stranger

- send a parcel to mum

- learn to ride a bike (oh, no hang on- it’s probably too cold. Perhaps I’ll put this one on hold. Also, while I’m at it- buy a bike)

- bake eggnog cupcakes. 

- write off 2012s mistakes

- write more interesting and less narcissistic blog posts (I’m trying- I swear)

Here’s to the last little bit of an interesting year!

2012 final to do list:

- finish the final planning for my novel.

- tie up lose ends, sort out any quarrels, heal old wounds, get closure, apologise blah blah- basically make peace with everyone I’ve fallen out with this year

- sign up for a sailing lesson

- email my dad

- buy a dress for christmas eve (note: make that a sexy dress)

- find a decent local wine.

- kiss a stranger

- send a parcel to mum

- learn to ride a bike (oh, no hang on- it’s probably too cold. Perhaps I’ll put this one on hold. Also, while I’m at it- buy a bike)

- bake eggnog cupcakes.

- write off 2012s mistakes

- write more interesting and less narcissistic blog posts (I’m trying- I swear)

Here’s to the last little bit of an interesting year!

fuckyeahbookarts:

Please Don’t Promise Me Forever by Rick Lyons
Wow, how time flies, huh?
Well- in little over a month I am embarking on my first solo journey. I have booked my ticket, planned out my budget and mapped out my travel plans. It is going to be really interesting to see how it all goes.
There have, of course, already been several hiccoughs along the way. Firstly- my citizenship application hit some minor speed-bumps. But after several million pages of forms, phone calls to the South African embassy and a lot more time spent at the post office than I would like to admit, I finally got the stamp of approval. I am officially a dual citizen and finally am lucky enough to own a real First World passport- something that makes travelling much much easier.
The second hiccough I encountered was twofold. I was head over heels for a certain Canadian- one of my main reasons for wanting to travel that side of the world in the first place. But as time progressed the distanced brought out the worst in us and we drifted even further apart. Just before my decided arrival date I realised I was holding onto something that wasn’t very likely to work out- and I faced the harsh reality that things would be over between us before I’d even arrive. The second part of this hiccough is that I realised quite suddenly that I was single. Of course- I had been for a while, but now I really was entirely solo- no future prospects, no hopes, no expectations. I was thrilled and terrified, and the mere thought of starting over completely alone, without my amazing girlfriends to keep me company (as both wing-women and shoulder’s to cry on) made me start to get cold feet. It was only once I remembered that I had already bought my ticket and booked my hotel that I realised I couldn’t turn back.
I have to admit- I am shifting from overwhelming excitement to cold-sweat bouts of nervousness. I know that packing up and moving solo to another entirely new city is not going to be a walk in the park- and I am expecting many more hiccoughs along the way (of course I am, I am a Leonard after all) but I also know that this is going to be one hell of an adventure- and it sure beats sitting at home doing nothing.
Here’s to the solo travellers all around the world. Those who are getting over heart-ache, those who are running away, and those who simply want to see more of the world while they still get the chance.
*raises her wine glass, and toasts to you* 

Wow, how time flies, huh?

Well- in little over a month I am embarking on my first solo journey. I have booked my ticket, planned out my budget and mapped out my travel plans. It is going to be really interesting to see how it all goes.

There have, of course, already been several hiccoughs along the way. Firstly- my citizenship application hit some minor speed-bumps. But after several million pages of forms, phone calls to the South African embassy and a lot more time spent at the post office than I would like to admit, I finally got the stamp of approval. I am officially a dual citizen and finally am lucky enough to own a real First World passport- something that makes travelling much much easier.

The second hiccough I encountered was twofold. I was head over heels for a certain Canadian- one of my main reasons for wanting to travel that side of the world in the first place. But as time progressed the distanced brought out the worst in us and we drifted even further apart. Just before my decided arrival date I realised I was holding onto something that wasn’t very likely to work out- and I faced the harsh reality that things would be over between us before I’d even arrive. The second part of this hiccough is that I realised quite suddenly that I was single. Of course- I had been for a while, but now I really was entirely solo- no future prospects, no hopes, no expectations. I was thrilled and terrified, and the mere thought of starting over completely alone, without my amazing girlfriends to keep me company (as both wing-women and shoulder’s to cry on) made me start to get cold feet. It was only once I remembered that I had already bought my ticket and booked my hotel that I realised I couldn’t turn back.

I have to admit- I am shifting from overwhelming excitement to cold-sweat bouts of nervousness. I know that packing up and moving solo to another entirely new city is not going to be a walk in the park- and I am expecting many more hiccoughs along the way (of course I am, I am a Leonard after all) but I also know that this is going to be one hell of an adventure- and it sure beats sitting at home doing nothing.

Here’s to the solo travellers all around the world. Those who are getting over heart-ache, those who are running away, and those who simply want to see more of the world while they still get the chance.

*raises her wine glass, and toasts to you* 

One thing I have learnt over the years is that I hate to lose. I simply hate it. I am a terribly sore loser- I sulk for ages and say mean conceited things to the people who win. I’m not just talking about board games either- I hate losing in any aspect.
When it comes to relationships I am no different. For weeks or months after a break up I hate myself for “losing” or “failing” or falling short of a happily ever after. I think a lot of people are in the same situation. When you break up with someone, it’s never easy. But then add all of the humiliation and sympathy you get from everyone and it’s downright awful. Another aspect I hate about break ups is the reality that slowly becomes apparent- there will be someone else that will do it better than you. In other words- your ex is going to move on, sooner or later. And boy, when my exes move on it makes me furious.  (2 of them ended up engaged and happily married- so my anger is not totally unreasonable, sigh).
Don’t get me wrong- I’m happy for them, usually. I don’t wish them ill or hope for the worst. My exes are all pretty incredible fellas. None the less the idea that some other girl is probably winning them over makes my stomach hurt. I hate the idea that someone is making them happier. That someone ironed out the kinks that I couldn’t, jumped over the hurdles, smoothed over the rough patches and made the broken bits work again (wow- what a collaboration of metaphors! It’s almost as if, in my mind, this new girl is a bloody super-hero-house-wife Olympian. Hahaha)
I guess it’s just a blow to my ego. No-one wants to be outdone- but when it comes to something so real and so intimate it just hurts all the more. I suppose it would be better to realise that dating isn’t a game, and when a relationship doesn’t work- you haven’t lost, even if it does feel that way for a little while. 

One thing I have learnt over the years is that I hate to lose. I simply hate it. I am a terribly sore loser- I sulk for ages and say mean conceited things to the people who win. I’m not just talking about board games either- I hate losing in any aspect.

When it comes to relationships I am no different. For weeks or months after a break up I hate myself for “losing” or “failing” or falling short of a happily ever after. I think a lot of people are in the same situation. When you break up with someone, it’s never easy. But then add all of the humiliation and sympathy you get from everyone and it’s downright awful. Another aspect I hate about break ups is the reality that slowly becomes apparent- there will be someone else that will do it better than you. In other words- your ex is going to move on, sooner or later. And boy, when my exes move on it makes me furious.  (2 of them ended up engaged and happily married- so my anger is not totally unreasonable, sigh).

Don’t get me wrong- I’m happy for them, usually. I don’t wish them ill or hope for the worst. My exes are all pretty incredible fellas. None the less the idea that some other girl is probably winning them over makes my stomach hurt. I hate the idea that someone is making them happier. That someone ironed out the kinks that I couldn’t, jumped over the hurdles, smoothed over the rough patches and made the broken bits work again (wow- what a collaboration of metaphors! It’s almost as if, in my mind, this new girl is a bloody super-hero-house-wife Olympian. Hahaha)

I guess it’s just a blow to my ego. No-one wants to be outdone- but when it comes to something so real and so intimate it just hurts all the more. I suppose it would be better to realise that dating isn’t a game, and when a relationship doesn’t work- you haven’t lost, even if it does feel that way for a little while. 

(Source: , via muse)

typeverything:

typeverything.com Toronto Map (by Linzie Hunter)

Toronto. I’d really like to go back- for all the wrong reasons. :) 

typeverything:

typeverything.com Toronto Map (by Linzie Hunter)

Toronto. I’d really like to go back- for all the wrong reasons. :) 

 Dear younger me: you will get better with age, like red wine; a vintage dress; a good book or a timeless Hollywood star.
You’ll get better at knowing what to do with your life.
You’ll get better at knowing when to say something- but also when to keep things to yourself.
You’ll appreciate the little things a little more: a soft kiss, a quiet afternoon, a good song on the radio.
You’ll trust less people, but the ones you do trust will be loyal.
You’ll be able to get up again after you get hurt.
You’ll be confident of the things that once made you insecure- the same flaws that made you shy away will become the things you’ll learn to flaunt.
You’ll fall in love- and fall out again, and realise that that’s okay.
You’ll be happy.

It just takes time. 

 Dear younger me: you will get better with age, like red wine; a vintage dress; a good book or a timeless Hollywood star.

You’ll get better at knowing what to do with your life.

You’ll get better at knowing when to say something- but also when to keep things to yourself.

You’ll appreciate the little things a little more: a soft kiss, a quiet afternoon, a good song on the radio.

You’ll trust less people, but the ones you do trust will be loyal.

You’ll be able to get up again after you get hurt.

You’ll be confident of the things that once made you insecure- the same flaws that made you shy away will become the things you’ll learn to flaunt.

You’ll fall in love- and fall out again, and realise that that’s okay.

You’ll be happy.

It just takes time. 

This Friday I finish my last exam for this study period. I have exactly three days of freedom until my next study period starts- and I am hoping to take advantage of it by making myself a huge mug of hot tea and finally getting the chance to read something of my choosing- without having to analysis it and interpret it and write some stupid assignment on it. I am absolutely thrilled. now, all I have to decide which book to sink my teeth into… 

This Friday I finish my last exam for this study period. I have exactly three days of freedom until my next study period starts- and I am hoping to take advantage of it by making myself a huge mug of hot tea and finally getting the chance to read something of my choosing- without having to analysis it and interpret it and write some stupid assignment on it. I am absolutely thrilled. now, all I have to decide which book to sink my teeth into… 

thedsgnblog:

Lo Siento  | http://losiento.net

LoSiento is a small studio that specially enjoys taking over the whole concept of the identity projects. Its main feature is an organic and physical approach to the solutions, resulting in a field where graphic and industrial design dialogue, always searching an alliance with the artisan processes.

the design blog: facebook | twitter

LOVE these! I want the letter ‘L’ in my future study/home office. 

(via fuckyeahbookarts)

typeverything:

Typeverything.com
‘What Would You Do’ poster by Ben Barry.
(via jumabc)

What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?
I’d quit my job.
I’d buy a ticket somewhere new.
I’d fall in love.
I’d start again.
oh, wait. I’m doing exactly that. 
[note: I’m a little afraid, but I’m doing it anyway]

typeverything:

Typeverything.com

‘What Would You Do’ poster by Ben Barry.

(via jumabc)

What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?

I’d quit my job.

I’d buy a ticket somewhere new.

I’d fall in love.

I’d start again.

oh, wait. I’m doing exactly that. 

[note: I’m a little afraid, but I’m doing it anyway]

(Source: nevver)

The Con’s of a breakup:
Obviously breaking up with someone sucks. There is no nicer way to put it. Your emotions get all crazy, your heart hurts and your confidence is shaken. Nobody enjoys having to be broken up with, or having to break up with someone. It’s nasty business. BUT there are a few good things that come out of a break up (I’m not joking). In order to soften the blow, I have compiled a list of all the good things that come out of one of the worst things. Just a small thing to cheer you up:
1.       You get a lot of sympathy time.
-          Living at home, whenever I go through a break-up, my family is almost too nice. They tread around me lightly, as if any small thing could set me off and send me running to my room in tears. This could hurt my feelings – do I really look that crazy? But it doesn’t- instead I get what I need most- privacy and time to heal. I can stay locked up in my room, watching old episodes of Friends, eating way too much chocolate and wearing the same daggy pyjama pants for days on end.
2.       You’re motivated to make yourself better.
-          My last boyfriend told me that we needed to end things because I had a lot of growing up to do. He also implied that I could be lazy at times and that he needed someone that would motivate him to get out more often and not just sit around drinking beer and relaxing. At the time I was rather offended. As I took the time to think about it, though (in between episodes of Season 4 of Friends- Chandler was sooo adorable back then!) I realised that I did need to get my act in to gear. Nothing like a harsh breakup to make you realise what you need to fix. So I joined a gym, and took on the challenge to run 5kms by the end of the month. I also started to put my travel plans into action, and cut down on all the beer. (Take that!)
3.       You can be totally selfish- just for a little while.
-          When you’re in a relationship- it’s all about compromise. When you’re newly single- well, it’s finally time to do all those things you’ve wanted to do for ages but couldn’t. Feel like watching nothing but Chick Flicks on a Friday night? DO IT. Feel like wearing that ultra sleezy dress and going dancing with the girls? DO IT. Feel like ordering that pizza with EXTRA garlic? Bitch-  just do it. For the first time, and possibly only time, you don’t have to answer to anybody. Enjoy the freedom.
4.       You Learn.
-          One of the long term results of a break up is that you realise all the things in that relationship that just weren’t working. While it isn’t likely that you will get back together with the dumper/dumpee, it does mean you will learn what not to do (or what to do- depending on why you broke up) in your next relationship. The trick is to remember these things to avoid falling into the same pattern and making the same mistakes next time around.
5.       You realise that everything is temporary.
-          There is a reason they say that first break-ups are the hardest. You can’t believe you’re ever going to feel normal again. The hole in your chest eats at you and everything reminds you of what you’ve lost (think of any song, any TV show romance, and stupid movie starring Katherine Heigl) but the truth is, as time passes, you DO get over it. Things do get better. It can take ages- sometimes years, but eventually things shift back to normal and you find yourself moving on. Once you realise this, once you learn that the hurt and the heartache don’t last forever, the next break up isn’t so bad.
So while I’m no fan of break-up’s (who is, I have to ask?) At least it is good to know that something worthwhile comes out of them.
[Note: I failed to mention the bad sides of a break up, because that’s going to take up a whole other post… stay tuned.]

The Con’s of a breakup:

Obviously breaking up with someone sucks. There is no nicer way to put it. Your emotions get all crazy, your heart hurts and your confidence is shaken. Nobody enjoys having to be broken up with, or having to break up with someone. It’s nasty business. BUT there are a few good things that come out of a break up (I’m not joking). In order to soften the blow, I have compiled a list of all the good things that come out of one of the worst things. Just a small thing to cheer you up:

1.       You get a lot of sympathy time.

-          Living at home, whenever I go through a break-up, my family is almost too nice. They tread around me lightly, as if any small thing could set me off and send me running to my room in tears. This could hurt my feelings – do I really look that crazy? But it doesn’t- instead I get what I need most- privacy and time to heal. I can stay locked up in my room, watching old episodes of Friends, eating way too much chocolate and wearing the same daggy pyjama pants for days on end.

2.       You’re motivated to make yourself better.

-          My last boyfriend told me that we needed to end things because I had a lot of growing up to do. He also implied that I could be lazy at times and that he needed someone that would motivate him to get out more often and not just sit around drinking beer and relaxing. At the time I was rather offended. As I took the time to think about it, though (in between episodes of Season 4 of Friends- Chandler was sooo adorable back then!) I realised that I did need to get my act in to gear. Nothing like a harsh breakup to make you realise what you need to fix. So I joined a gym, and took on the challenge to run 5kms by the end of the month. I also started to put my travel plans into action, and cut down on all the beer. (Take that!)

3.       You can be totally selfish- just for a little while.

-          When you’re in a relationship- it’s all about compromise. When you’re newly single- well, it’s finally time to do all those things you’ve wanted to do for ages but couldn’t. Feel like watching nothing but Chick Flicks on a Friday night? DO IT. Feel like wearing that ultra sleezy dress and going dancing with the girls? DO IT. Feel like ordering that pizza with EXTRA garlic? Bitch-  just do it. For the first time, and possibly only time, you don’t have to answer to anybody. Enjoy the freedom.

4.       You Learn.

-          One of the long term results of a break up is that you realise all the things in that relationship that just weren’t working. While it isn’t likely that you will get back together with the dumper/dumpee, it does mean you will learn what not to do (or what to do- depending on why you broke up) in your next relationship. The trick is to remember these things to avoid falling into the same pattern and making the same mistakes next time around.

5.       You realise that everything is temporary.

-          There is a reason they say that first break-ups are the hardest. You can’t believe you’re ever going to feel normal again. The hole in your chest eats at you and everything reminds you of what you’ve lost (think of any song, any TV show romance, and stupid movie starring Katherine Heigl) but the truth is, as time passes, you DO get over it. Things do get better. It can take ages- sometimes years, but eventually things shift back to normal and you find yourself moving on. Once you realise this, once you learn that the hurt and the heartache don’t last forever, the next break up isn’t so bad.

So while I’m no fan of break-up’s (who is, I have to ask?) At least it is good to know that something worthwhile comes out of them.

[Note: I failed to mention the bad sides of a break up, because that’s going to take up a whole other post… stay tuned.]

(via nadhirahzufar)