Why Online Dating Gives Me the Heeby Jeebies
So, as part of the whole “2013, Doing New Things” endevour, I briefly contemplated online dating. I figured, it’s 2013, technology is all spiffy and modern, and online dating seems like a fad that is here to stay. I also figured it would be an interesting way to kill time at work and procrastinate.
I’m not really looking for any kind of relationship, and I prefer to meet men the old fashioned way (Irish pub, beer in hand) but this year has been all about pushing my limits and experiences, so I figured, why not? I have some friends who claim they have had great success with online dating, too.
Haha, well. Shortlived success, really.
So I decided to log onto a local “match” website, that caters for singles in the Halifax area. I didn’t even get to the “sign up” page before I lost all interest in the idea and decided I’m never going to be able to meet people online, no matter how old-fashioned that makes me. Here’s Why:
1. I am a grammar snob. No, no, don’t get me wrong, my grammar is far from perfect, sure. I have no doubt that there are plenty of you out there reading this and judging me for my poor grasp of comma usage, no doubt. BUT SPELLING YOUR AND YOU’RE WRONG IS UNFORGIVABLE. I don’t care how handsome, how rich, how down to earth you are, if YOUR basic grasp of English grammar is poor, YOU’RE out of luck. Sadly, this applies to nearly all of the entries I found on the match website.
2. Your username is worrying. On my search for online love (or a way to stay awake during the graveyard shift) I encountered a lot of men with very ominous usernames. No, iTakeItTooFar, I do not want to meet you. Nor do I think I will be messaging NoMeans…. , because I’m sorry that this still has to be said, but no only ever means no. And on the off chance that I have interpreted your name wrong, then ask yourself, why pick such a damn misleading name then?
3. I’m a pessimist. Yes, I just admitted I thought about joining online dating for a laugh, and when one of these guys says the same, I should believe him. But I don’t. I instantly think, “If you’ve resorted to meeting people online, you must really have problems meeting people in reality?” and I immediately categorise them all as serial killers, perverts or sufferers of BO.
4. Body language says more than any emoticon ever could. You know how when you’re out and you meet someone, you get that vibe that you might hit it off? It goes beyond conversation or flirting, it’s like you feel comfortable around the person. Certain gestures, like stroking your neck, or biting your lip- they all reveal what talking can hide: whether or not a person is genuinely interested, and whether or not there is any chemistry or sexual tension. This is probably the most important factor of dating as far as I am concerned, because if you don’t have chemistry, it is just downright awk.ward.
So, nah, I think I’ll be skipping the online dating game. Sorry, boys ;)