Why I secretly want to punch a hipster in the face.
I get it. You like some pretty fabbity fab things. I can see that. I also understand why you instagram pictures of your food, I mean, why wouldn’t you- it’s just such a pretty salad! But do you have to steal everything that is fun and good in this world and make it a part of your stupid, pretentious, stereotypical trend? Yes, that’s right, I called your hipster lifestyle a trend… are you reeling? you should be.
I’m fed up with just about everything your social group does, to be frank. I’m fed up with the way you boast your thrift-store finds, when we all know you paid quite a pretty penny to look the way you do. It’s rather annoying, because some of us DO shop at thrift stores, and DO love our kitsch little purchases, but we’re always being marred by your pathetic subculture (counter-culture, post-culture, pre-culture, whatever the FUCK you want to call it, really).
I’m fed up with the way you happen to love the same cute little vintage outfits I do. No no, don’t get me wrong. I’m not disheartened that I’m into the same trends (oooh, there’s that word again- is it stinging yet?) I’m more so annoyed at the fact that the polka-dot skirt I wear, or the beige brogues I bought make people mistake me for one of you wankers.
I’m fed up with the way you throw a fancy “yaaaa” at the end of everything you say, in some feeble attempt at sounding smarter. I’m fed up with the way you look down on people that haven’t heard of that way way way underground band, or seen that unreleased, once shown in some dingy cinema, irrelevant art film- OF COURSE I HAVEN’T SEEN IT, IF I HAD, IT WOULDN’T BE THAT UNDERGROUND/AVANT-GARDE, WOULD IT?
I’m fed up with the way you guys stole eco-friendly from us, with your stupid pastel-coloured bicycles and recycled hemp shopping bags. Who do you think you are? Turning a good life decision into some passing fad? Now I’m being judged for my vegan recipes, and my mason jar cocktails.
Yes, that’s right. We’re quite similiar, you hipsters and I. But do you know what the difference between us is? I don’t spend ours going over this trend (hoo ha ha) in excruciating detail to make sure I fit the hipster mould. I like the kitsch, I like the vintage, I like the earthy-airy-fairy things in life. BUT do you know what, you goodfornothing hipsters? I also like technology. and beer (NOT microbrewed, either) and I like commercial music (sometimes, god forbid, I even like sellouts.) and some stuff ordinary people like too. So, to put this bluntly: I am not one of you. In fact, I loathe the idea of you guys being a collective. You’re no better than the emo kids or those bloody awful scene kids that still mill about now and then with their big hair and awful selfies (luckily, they were mostly made obsolete when Myspace was obliterated.)
All I’m trying to say is, we know most of you are faking it. You’re predominantly from wealthy backgrounds, looking for some way to not be part of the rich spoilt society you reign from- probably too scared to really rebel and become punks, I think. But can you stop? You have the money to buy fancy things, so get out of our thrift stores. We know you can afford a fancy car, so stop with your stupid bikes. Just get over yourselves. You’re annoying. And you’re making it hard for the rest of us who do actually like those pretty things.
Just a thought, probably one you won’t listen to. But here’s some food thought- Hipsters pride themselves in not following the crowd, and reveling in the lesser known, cheaper, not selly-outy things, right? So if you’re all doing that, and turning all of those things into selly-outy, popular fad things, aren’t you… in essense, basically making a mockery of yourself? Oh well, if it makes you feel better, just know that we’re all here alongside you, mocking you as well.
Not a hipster, just someone with good sense.